“You can’t get away from yourself by moving from one place to another.”

“Listen, Robert, going to another country doesn’t make any difference. I’ve tried all that. You can’t get away from yourself by moving from one place to another. There’s nothing to that.”

– ‘Fiesta’ (The Sun Also Rises) by Ernest Miller Hemingway

I got this book called the Essential Hemingway from probably one of the book markets or second-hand shops in Europe. I admit, it was not easy to be addicted to this book because it contains excerpts and I kept losing track where I’ve stopped.  Yet, when I read this line, it sort of hit me. An epiphany.

If you want to get away from the rotting, the most private, ugly core of yourself just by getting away for a few months from your familiar environment, it is not going to help much because you’ll eventually have to face it again, whether you come back “home” or not.  It doesn’t pertain to just being on exchange. I realise we are a pretty mobile generation that has been bombarded with a lot of choices. and I am an exemplary of a mover although I’ve been “hindered” most of the time by sentimental reasons.

I don’t think I left entirely to run away or to escape; to try to lose myself and to reassemble myself definitely. Also I’ve made so many discoveries about myself (just for e.g. I’m prudish) and also about people around me and hey, it takes courage I think, to come face-to-face with the discoveries and the truths. So that particular line hit the tiny, wishful part of me who thought that by escaping to a different place, I would be different; I would behave differently and that I could erase everything that I didn’t want to remember and that life would be smooth-sailing and that I would fall crazily in love and well, be crazy.  Of course, I know now that it is impossible.

When I was there, it might not exactly feel like mind-blowing wonderful but on hindsight, that was probably the most dynamic and adventurous seven months I had in my life so far. I’m so glad that I brought my Diana Mini along. I was really thrilled to finally be able to see the products of my shots. Because I had no expectations when I was shooting them; I was fuelled by just that moment of inspiration; the moment of ignition. I clicked and I waited seven months. Every shot I took had a story; and I remember quite clearly why I took that particular shot or maybe I had to resort to an awkward position to be able to accomplish the shot for instance when when I was capturing the cherry blossoms that were juxtaposed against the vivid blue sky in Keukenhof.

Here are some of my favourite shots:

Installation art, Paris

Keukenhof, Netherlands

Outside St Peter Basilica, Vatican City

Sagrada Familia, Barcelona

So this summer is drawing to a close and with what I wrote in mind and also the goals that I’ve come out with while I was in Croatia and my beautiful memories, I’m going to be brave and determined and focused and channel all that into positive energy.

I can’t wait for school and work to start. In the meantime, I’m going to watch Sex and the City.

because I’m a descendant.

just a quick post before I go to sleep! I saw NC carrying a diana mini in one of the chorale party’s videos, so it reminded me about something that I’ve yet done. By the way, congrats, NC, join the club! You did the right thing by splurging $90 to $100 ++ on a piece of plastic! (;

I didn’t post any pictures taken by my dear Diana mini. Here they are. These are some of my favourite photos which I have taken in China (Lijiang, Kunming and Dali). I thought the sky would be overcast most of the time like how it was in Beijing/Shanghai during winter. That area has very strong ultraviolet ray contrary to our expectations. It is weird. I dread going to China, however, after that trip to Yunnan, I think I’m falling in love with China and its rich, under-appreciated culture. I was very enraptured by the minority groups in China, their lifestyles, their art and music. I really want to go to Shangri-la!

Anyway, I took a while to adjust to using a lomographic camera. There is no “I wanna see, i wanna see” and no more peeking over the photographer’s shoulder to catch a glimpse of the portrait. The images captured would be shrouded in mystery till the minute they’re processed. I would only be able to view my pictures taken in Europe after seven months! I hope they turn out ok. I bought five rolls of really cheap, dubious-looking film, plus one roll of expensive film and I still have one roll of black-and-white film before I flew here. They should suffice!

the fruit-seller who is very popular with the Singaporean tourists

my dad!

wishlist for my European adventure

I’m getting quite excited for my exchange but everything seemed so fuzzy — I can’t believe I’m going to spend half a year in Europe! (:

okay, the list of things that I wish to have in my backpack:

1. A backpack – duh! I haven’t gotten a sturdy, reliable backpack that screams ME yet. I saw this black, plain one from Muji. Nope, I’m not sombre and boring.. It is just plain enough for me to add some quirky elements.